Over the years I have made a list of things that I needed to work on. I've always been so hard on myself, I've been my worst critic, and always looking for "better" Throughout my blog there were a few things that kind of stuck out like a sore thumb. I needed to work on humility, needed to working on trusting the Lord with all my heart, and trusting myself. I needed to learn how to love, and let myself be loved. I also needed to work on feeling. I have a hard time putting my emotions on the table and that affects everything. It affects the way I come across when speaking to people, it affects my intimate relationships, and it affects just my over all being.
I am also a certified overachiever always trying to one-up no one other than myself.
But when you put up such a hard face/hard front there is a period when you crash and burn. During this crash and burn period you are left to pick up the pieces all by yourself because you've never let anyone close enough to help you put the pieces back together. So what have I done to make a small breakthru in the life of this hard ass girl? I've allowed myself to feel, I've allowed myself to be emotionally available not only to myself, but to others. I've allowed myself to be vulnerable and I have held myself accountable for everything and anything that I have done whilst being vulnerable. Oh how it hurts though to feel. I have allowed myself to cry (ahhhhhhhhhhhh) in the presence of the one person I promised to never be vulnerable to.
Why she so hard? You'll have to go through one of my postings to find out :-)
My next phase: To open up a bit more, to not be so guarded and to not be so distant.
You wouldn't know this just by looking at me. There are a lot of things that you probably can't tell just by looking at me. I probably won't capture everything throughout this journey, but if you are around me perhaps you will see a difference.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Loving you
It never dawned on me until now that loving you hurt you as much as it hurt me. I seriously wish I could take it back. Not taking back loving you because that was grand lol. Taking back the pain would be clutch
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