Wordpress Welcome

Looks like wordpress has welcomed me with Open Arms:

En Chair et en Os (In the Flesh)
http://chairetos.wordpress.com/

I'm moving :-)

Hey there readers,

So on the fly I decided that I really didn't want to do this blog. It's  filled with so many memories, and feelings that quite frankly I don't really want to carry on with me on this new life journey. I love writing, and I really want to share with my readers everything from my thoughts, my ideas, my passions, my struggles and my disappointments. I don't even know what to call this blog, but I know it's gonna be great (great for me, and really that's all that matters ;-)) I'm moving from blogger.com, and will post it on here when I figure out the name, and everything else.

Thanks to everyone who has shared this journey with me, and I look forward to having you ride the new train.

Peace ya'll
xoxo
JBC

I grow

It's actually pretty scary when you experience healing in your soul. Scary because it's a feeling you're not really familiar with. It's also a feeling that I am ready, willing and able to embrace! It motivates you to reach the once unreachable.

I know peace, I grow, I live, I love, I free myself

Love and light ya'll 

How my love came down

Unfortunately this isn't a story about my feminine whiles and my girly love exploding ;-). This is just a check-in on how love and light is permeating my being.

I've come to realize in order to truly love and live I needed to let the E go and just go. My ego plays a huge role in who I am, what I do, and how I live. Nothing to brag about, but a girl needs some defense mechanism-- and what better to defend her than the biggest cookie snatcher known to mankind (Cue the dramatic sound and lights). Well I know some cookie snatching purple people eaters, but this ain't about them or my bouts of temporary insanity.

And in true Jenny fashion it all stops here.

Loves and hugs :-*

I'm in love

I use to think I knew what love was until last weekend. I've felt it, I've experienced it, I've learned about it, and I have read about it.  Most importantly I studied it via John the Baptist who lays out the foundation on how to love through Christ. Last weekend I attended a close family friends' engagement party. Prior to attending I was a little nervous because I was spending the weekend with the whole family.  I have only met two, and though they were great I wasn't sure about the others (only because I hadn't met them yet).

After what seemed like a long drive we arrived to White Plains (Westchester County), NY and I took a much needed nap. As I drifted in and out of sleep I was wondering how the interaction would be once the family came home. Would we have great conversations? Would they like me? Would we have anything to discuss? This went on for a few hours until it was time for me to run some errands with the mom (who I have met). Conversation with her was great. She asked me how I was doing, I helped her with her errands and we made our first stop to pick up one of her daughters. She greeted me immediately with a hug and a smile. I breathed a sigh of relief. This won't be so bad after all. We exchanged some words until we dropped her off to pick up another daughter. Conversation with her too was off to a great start. My fears immediately disappeared. We got home, and the eldest daughter was already home. We hugged, kissed and exchanged I haven't seen you in  so longs. I immediately got to work helping them with the many projects to prepare for Saturday's festivities. My first night with the family was a success. 


Throughout working and interacting with the sisters and other family members I began to feel some sort of connection. Not only a connection with them, but also a connection within my spirit. There was so much love and light being poured out from them that you couldn't possibly not be touched. Throughout my short time with them I fell in love. I fell in love with myself, I fell in love with my spirit and I fell in love with life and everything that it embodies. How does one fall in love in such a short period of time? Love is such a strong element that it physically, mentally and spiritually attacks you without a blink of an eye. Love puts a strong hold on your heart once you ALLOW it, and it will take a force stronger than the Universe (impossible) to remove this element from your life.

Last weekend I became a believer of love at first sight. I learned that throwing love out there will not only benefit those that need it, but it will also mend my torn interior. I have to continuously remind myself that  I won't feel like this all the time.  There are days where I will feel like the world is crumbling at my feet, and there won't be any where to turn. In spite of these shortcomings that will for sure enter my world love will still have a home in my spirit.

For now I am thankful for this love that has completely taken over. I am thankful for that weekend in White Plains with 3 amazing women that helped me began my journey of finding true love and light. I pray that they will be showered with blessings and continue to have a spirit that inspires change.

Signed,
Loved Saved Girl

In memory of

I've been meaning to come here for a while, but I have been avoiding it like the bubonic plague.  In the back of my mind I knew what needed to be done on here. I needed to let it all out, and let the universe make with it what it wanted. So many things I need to touch on, but we will start slow! I mean there's a point where you stop bleeding. Right? Right???? I truly hope so.

June 5th marked the anniversary of my dads birthday. For years I never said anything about him, his birthday or his death (because I didn't know the exact day until a couple of months ago). Not because I was ashamed, but truly because that was a piece of me that I didn't want to share with anyone. In addition to not wanting to share this with anyone I really didn't think anyone cared to listen about how I felt about the whole situation.

Over the past few years I have gone through so many emotions related to him. I've gone from hating him, to missing him, to wanting to turn back the hands of time, and that little girl yearning for a touch she will never feel again. Currently I have reached the point where I can talk about him, I can look at pictures without feeling betrayed and guilty for being a statistic. I do miss that man though.  There is so much I would have learned, and so much I wouldn't have done if I had him in my life.  Not because I needed a paternal figure in my life--I have plenty of those, but because he could set me straight.

July 22 marks the 19th anniversary of his death. A death that not only took me by surprise, but completely turned my life around. I had an ah ha moment in 2008 because I thought a certain event justified why he was no longer around, but I take that ah ha moment back.  I am hoping and praying that God grants me some sort of clarity.

Than I will thank God for granting me that moment of clarity---that moment of honesty.

Yours till the rain bows

Jenny

Breakthru

Over the years I have made a list of things that I needed to work on. I've always been so hard on myself, I've been my worst critic, and always looking for "better" Throughout my blog there were a few things that kind of stuck out like a sore thumb. I needed to work on humility, needed to working on trusting the Lord with all my heart, and trusting myself. I needed to learn how to love, and let myself be loved.  I also needed to work on feeling. I have a hard time putting my emotions on the table and that affects everything. It affects the way I come across when speaking to people, it affects my intimate relationships, and it affects just my over all being.
I am also a certified overachiever always trying to one-up no one other than myself.

But when you put up such a hard face/hard front there is a period when you crash and burn. During this crash and burn period you are left to pick up the pieces all by yourself because you've never let anyone close enough to help you put the pieces back together.  So what have I done to make a small breakthru in the life of this hard ass girl?  I've allowed myself to feel, I've allowed myself to be emotionally available not only to myself, but to others.  I've allowed myself to be vulnerable and I have held myself accountable for everything and anything that I have done whilst being vulnerable.  Oh how it hurts though to feel. I have allowed myself to cry (ahhhhhhhhhhhh) in the presence of the one person I promised to never be vulnerable to.

Why she so hard? You'll have to go through one of my postings to find out :-)

My next phase: To open up a bit more, to not be so guarded and to not be so distant.

You wouldn't know this just by looking at me.  There are a lot of things that you probably can't tell just by looking at me.  I probably won't capture everything throughout this journey, but if you are around me perhaps you will see a difference.

Loving you

It never dawned on me until now that loving you hurt you as much as it hurt me.  I seriously wish I could take it back. Not taking back loving you because that was grand lol. Taking back the pain would be clutch